Online Dating And Shyness - M*A*T*E*

Online Dating And Shyness

Are you shy? Do you find dating difficult because of your shyness? Well, you are not alone. Everyone has some degree of shyness, albeit to varying degrees. You may have considered yourself to be an introvert because introverts are generally shy. However, shyness goes way beyond introversion, in fact, some introverts can be very social and socially engaging. Introverts, however, tend to find dealing with large groups of people mentally draining. Many introverts prefer the company of a small group of people but they are not necessarily shy.

A person who is shy can be introverted, but an introvert does not have to be shy.

A person who is on the extreme end of shyness will have trouble making friends and possibly finding the love of their life. When shyness affects your life in an extreme manner, it is no longer just shyness but a disorder called social anxiety disorder. It could take an outgoing person a long time to find someone that is well suited to them, so it must be even more difficult for someone who is shy, right?

That is where online dating can help you. As I’ve said in previous posts, online dating websites are simply platforms that allow you to meet and connect with people. They cannot make you fall in love with someone; they are just tools that allow you to meet the person you may fall in love with. There are ways that a shy person can be part of the dating world and still get to know someone without being too uncomfortable. Most people are neither introverted nor extroverted but land somewhere in the middle. Every personality type has an element of shyness, but different personalities handle meeting people differently. It is not easy, in some cases, for people to recognize this element. That’s where mentoring, specific to you, will make all the difference in your search for love online.

Don’t let your shyness get in the way of your happiness

If you find it hard to open up to others right away and get to know them, or have difficulty meeting and talking to people that you don’t know, it can be frustrating to try to find someone to spend the rest of your life with. You could find yourself being lonely and discouraged by this. Luckily, the introduction of the internet and online dating sites can make this process a lot easier for everyone. If people take the time to create effective and honest profiles, (read more about how to write a good online dating profile) you can learn a lot about them without even having to “meet” them. It allows you to see what their interests and hobbies are, what they’re passionate about, and what their life goals are, so you can determine whether they would be a good fit for you.

Depending on how shy you are, you may even be nervous to contact someone through messages on a website; maybe a fear of rejection is keeping you from even trying to contact them. However, if you put yourself out there and take a chance, you WILL find someone to spend your life with eventually, and all the time and effort you put into online dating with be worth it. Keep in mind that no one likes rejection and everyone deals with it at some point in their lives. Unfortunately, we cannot succeed if we never try, and trying sometimes leads to rejection.

While some shy people may find it difficult to reach out and meet people, there are some people who may find it difficult beginning a relationship with a shy person. The most important thing is this situation is patience and understanding. If you meet and contact someone online who doesn’t seem to talk to you very much, or maybe is hesitant to give a normal amount of personal information to you, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they aren’t interested in getting to know you. It is completely possible that they are just shy and have a hard time opening up to new people. It’s entirely possible that they are actually very interested in you, but need enough time to be comfortable sharing more about their life with you. In the end, your patience with someone may pay off, and you might find someone that you will share the rest of your life with. You need to make sure you don’t miss an opportunity for that by not giving someone the benefit of the doubt and the time they need to open up to you.

Most People Suffer From Some Degree Of Shyness

Communication is one of the most important parts of establishing and maintaining a long-lasting relationship with someone. This is especially the case when you’re a shy person that is trying to meet new people. It may be easier for a shy person to see online dating as a series of steps to complete. These steps only qualify a person to be online in a way that makes it possible to meet someone new. There are a number of steps that make your online date search more effective and they are different for every person. I have gone over many of these steps in various blogs, however, the specifics are dependent on your personality. A person that is shy in any way can still go through the motions of completing their online dating profile with no interactions with others. Your communication can start with putting your basic information on your profile and expanding it when you feel comfortable doing so.

While it may be difficult, it’s important to put the effort in and communicate with your interest to the best of your ability, even if you need to do it in stages. If you aren’t able to open up completely, you should still let your possible interests know that you just need time in order to do so. We should all remember that most people are nervous about meeting someone new. We should also be mindful that most people have a fear of rejection. Meeting new people and being rejected are parts of life that keep some people from moving forward with their needs in relationships. These happenings are often unpleasant but can be crushing to some. As always, the people that are willing to be understanding of the struggles of others will see more success in the area of relationships. Whether you are an introvert, an extrovert, or just plain shy, everyone needs a certain type of understanding in their mate. An effort should be made to be a kind and patient prospective mate which will also make you more attractive to others.

Online dating is a very good way for someone who is shy to find someone they may connect with more easily. There are websites that are dedicated solely to this, so if you are looking for someone that is also introverted, it is an option to consider. However, we should all try to keep an open mind when we’re trying to find our partner. Just because someone is outgoing and expressive, that doesn’t mean they won’t be a good fit for you. As a shy person, you have to remember that you are not dating the world or a group, you are looking for someone to date. In my experience, even the shyest people have people in their circle with whom they are very open. If you have social anxiety disorder, then seek professional help. A doctor may be able to make your life much easier.

If you ever need a hand or have any questions, feel free to leave them below and I will be more than happy to help you out.

All the best,




9 Replies to “Online Dating And Shyness”

  1. Hi, great article. You’re right, online dating is a good inroad for overcoming shyness as you can get to know the other person slowly and at your own pace. I used to really struggle back in the old days, when more often than not, you had to try and chat to someone out and about or in a bar. I would really struggle and sometimes use alcohol to work up the courage to speak to them, which isn’t a very good look. It takes a bit of time finding someone that you click with but when you do meet up, you feel like you already know some parts of their personality and so that helps keep the conversation going. And the more you do something, the more confident you become.

    1. Hi Oliver, thank you for your comment. It can be difficult to approach people you have never met before just to talk to them, let alone to try to get to know them more personally. You’re right in saying that online dating is a good way to help overcome shyness because it  lets you get to know the person you’re talking to at your own pace. I think this will also increase the number of successful relationships, because you have an opportunity to learn more about the other people before you officially start a relationship with them. 

  2. Indeed I do think that internet has help evolving not just the industrial sector but personal life like getting a date. It may be easier for some who are not use to meeting people face to face and get into knowing people immediately. And internet would be a good platform to start with because you would not necessarily need to force yourself to meet up with people face to face, but you could start of with something you are more comfortable with before developing into much closer friend or being your partner.

    1. Hi Invisibleman,

      The internet provides a level of anonymity that many people use for better or worse. I agree that for people who are shy it provides a way to break the ice without having a stroke or breaking out in hives. It allows a person to develop some semblance of familiarity with a person before meeting them in person. This in some way is invaluable in helping a shy person develop new relationships.

      Ultimately, if someone wants to form a relationship, they must meet in person and move beyond the texting and chatting stage. Texting and chatting will only go so far if you’re trying to find love online.

  3. Oh yes, I am definitely shy and online dating does help me tremendously. I can get to know the person by talking with them on the phone first which is not so daunting. Then when I do meet them I feel much more relaxed. It’s more like meeting a friend, than meeting a total stranger, that is for sure. I see you have some other really great articles worth reading, so I am going to visit the rest of your site!

    1. Thank you for your comment. One of the great benefits of online dating is that it can be much easier for less outgoing people to reach out to people and get to know them. Someone may be very unlikely to approach people in public because they aren’t sure how to initiate conversation, and some people just may not want to be approached. If you meet someone online however, chances are they are actively trying to contact people, so they will likely be much more willing to start a conversation. This is also why it’s important to be honest with their online profiles and how they interact with others. If you intend on meeting someone in person that you’ve befriended online, it can completely break any trust that was built up. I’m glad you enjoyed the post, please feel free to browse the rest of them and let me know what you think.

  4. I can relating to shyness a lot and especially in my past and I believe the best way to get over it is just by going out there and talking to people. I love how you mentioned online dating in the mix as well. I think it would be really helpful in making shy people more confident and it is a great way of meeting new people. Rejection is painful to the ego but if you can not let it get to you. It will make you more confident. Great article

    1. Hello Josh. Rejection can be difficult for some people more than others. What’s important is being able to deal with it in a healthy way, and try to be positive about it. Being positive is very important in our lives, especially when it comes to dating. Online dating allows us to meet many more people than we normally could, but that can also lead to more rejection. You are right in saying that putting yourself out there is a good way to make us all more confident, and in turn make it easier for us to meet our special someone. Thank you for you comment. 

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